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[personal profile] imagined_haven
Title: Convince the Heart
Fandom: Star Trek XI
Pairing: Kirk/Spock
Rating: PG for swearing
Word Count: 1,600
Summary: Jim and Spock have a disagreement on the application of logic to personal relationships.
A/N: This fic is for [ profile] weebeanie , who won my services in [ profile] waltzmatildah's fic auction to aid the relief efforts helping with the flooding in Australia. Hope this surprise is one you enjoy!
A/N2: Many thanks to my wonderful beta and lj wife, [ profile] bandearg_rois, for putting up with my increasingly verbose characters.

Jim set his PADD down at the soft chime of his door, vaguely wondering who was standing on the other side. On Earth it would have been a Thursday night, and he wasn’t expecting anybody. “Enter,” he called, looking up at the quiet swish of the door.

He was surprised to find Spock standing on the other side, holding a chessboard in one arm. If it had been anyone else Jim would have assumed Spock had gotten his dates confused; they ordinarily played chess on Fridays, leaving Thursday nights open for Spock and Uhura to have whatever constituted as date night when one of the partners was half-Vulcan. But Spock didn’t get things like dates confused.

Knowing by now that the only way to find out what was going on was to ask, and also knowing not to really expect a response, he spoke up. “Spock, don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you’re here. But don’t you normally spend your Thursdays with Uhura?”

“Ordinarily you would be correct, Jim; however, as our personal relationship terminated approximately fourteen days, three hours, and twenty-six minutes ago it would be counterproductive to our working relationship.”

Jim took a moment to translate everything into the Standard he knew and loved, just to make sure he was right about what Spock was saying. But as soon as that was done he was gaping. “You and Uhura broke up?”

Spock inclined his head ever so slightly and the universe as Jim knew it fell apart.

Anyone else in Jim’s position might have been jumping up and down in glee, thinking that perhaps now there would be a chance with Spock. But Jim knew better; Spock and Uhura were disgustingly cute in that meant-to-be kind of way and if that had fallen apart something was very wrong. So Jim set aside his hopes, his dreams, his desires, and began to figure out what was happening. “Why?” he asked.

Spock’s answer was as simple as his face was expressionless. “It was illogical.”

Ordinarily Jim would’ve accepted that answer. He certainly got it often enough on the bridge. But this was different, and as soon as the words reached his ears he felt a surge of anger. “It was illogical,” he repeated flatly.

“Affirmative, Jim,” Spock replied.

Jim stood slowly, feeling a rush of cold down his spine even as his face heated. “You know, I hear that from you so much. Ordinarily, I’d be okay with it. Sure, there are a lot of times it’s helped me when you point out how stupid I’m acting. But this is different.”

Spock opened his mouth to reply, but Jim cut him off with a snarl. “You fucking shut up until I’m finished, you hear me?”

A brief and incredibly rare look of surprise passed through those dark eyes, and Jim took that as invitation to continue. “Now. As I was saying, this is different. Do you even know why?” he demanded, continuing before Spock had the slightest opportunity to respond. “Because while I agree with you that logic can go a long way to help with a lot of things, there’s something logic’s never been able to explain, and that’s something that gets pretty heavily involved when you’re in a relationship.

“Have you ever tried to explain a human heart, Spock? The phenomenon isn’t limited to that species, but it’s obviously the one I’m most familiar with, so I’ll have to just go with it. Have you ever figured out why someone would be happy just to see another person, no matter where they stood with each other? Ever wondered at the capacity two people who’ve never met before in their lives have to care for each other, under the right circumstances?”

Somewhere in all of this Jim’s anger had vanished, leaving behind a cold ache that threatened to swallow him whole every time he thought that, had circumstances been different, he might be the one coldly referred to as ‘illogical’ and tossed aside. That had bled into his tone, not that he really knew or cared. “And love, Spock. No one’s ever been able to explain it from a logical standpoint, not just love at first sight or whatever gets sold on greeting cards these days, but how two people, regardless of species, regardless of first impression, can come to care for each other so much they’re willing to spend their lives together. No one can write a thesis on exactly why someone can love another, even when they know that the other doesn’t or can’t feel the same, even when they’re spending energy they can never get back just to see that that other is happy, even if it’s without them. Where could logic possibly come to play in that? But it happens, more often than we’d like to admit, truth be told.

“So don’t you stand there and fucking tell me it was ‘illogical’ for you to be with her. You’re going to have to do a whole hell of a lot better than that,” he finished, though the bite to his words was long gone. He felt nothing now, nothing but a hollow where his emotions had reigned supreme ever since Spock had said those three words. He still wasn’t done, though. “Logic does have its place in the world, don’t get me wrong,” he continued, before borrowing words that weren’t his own but still rang true, “but logic never could convince a heart.”

The silence between them hung heavily as Jim’s shoulders sagged and he looked away. He looked up again, though, when Spock said quietly, “Perhaps at this time you will allow me to continue in my explanation, Jim?”

Jim nodded, even though he really wasn’t sure what Spock thought he could say to contradict everything he’d just said. “Go ahead.”

Spock’s hands locked behind his back, a position that most people thought Spock only assumed when he was being professional. However, Jim knew it also appeared whenever Spock refused to admit he was uncomfortable with a situation, and he vaguely wondered what was bringing it about this time. “Our personal relationship was indeed illogical, though I failed to explain why.”

Trying and utterly failing to bury the hurt that rose once more, Jim glared at him. “And why, Spock, after everything I’ve just said, would you still believe carrying on in a relationship with someone you care for to be illogical?”

Spock raised a single eyebrow ever so slightly. “Also illogical, Jim, is your insistence on, as you would say, ‘leaping to conclusions’ with untrue or undetermined premises.”

Unable to speak for fear he would reveal more than he should, Jim impatiently gestured for Spock to go on. He would hear what Spock had to say, probably yell at him some more for completely ignoring the feelings of others, and then send him on his way.

“It was illogical, Jim,” Spock defended after a pause, “because each of us found another we would rather be romantically involved with. As such, the only logical course of action was to terminate our relationship, leaving the both of us free to pursue our own desires for the future.”

Jim was stunned beyond belief. Not only had Spock been right all along, but in the same breath as proving that he’d admitted to having feelings for someone else, someone who wasn’t Uhura. “But... I thought...”

“Clearly you were mistaken,” Spock replied when Jim found himself unable to continue.

“Y-yeah, clearly,” Jim stammered. Suddenly he needed to get out of there, needed to get away from Spock so he could actually absorb this information. Heading for the door, he started, “Hey, I’m gonna--”

He made it all of two steps before long, slender fingers encircled his wrist.

Jim froze, knowing exactly what Spock would be picking up on since he hadn’t had a chance to prepare for the contact. His shock was still running high, and no matter what he tried he couldn’t keep back the tiny thread of hope running through it. Also finally let out of its cage in the back of his mind was love, love he’d felt for most of the six months they’d been working together but quietly suppressed. It wouldn’t have done either of them any good for that to come out into the open, not when Spock was happily with someone else. But now that he wasn’t, Jim couldn’t help thinking in maybes and what ifs.

He sighed. This was exactly the reason he’d intended to get away, so he could keep this to himself a little longer. Now it was out there, and working with Spock would be just as painfully awkward as it had been in the first week of their mission. There would be no more chess nights, no more of those little jokes no one else seemed to pick up on...

Jim’s breathing turned shallow and shaky when two of those fingers slid down his palm to gently caress his own. He knew what that gesture meant, having seen it so many times when Uhura thought no one was looking. “What...?”

Spock spoke quietly, the words barely reaching his ears. “There is no need for you to depart.”

Jim turned to face him at last, eyes wide. “I... really?” he asked, immediately hating his own uncertain tone.

Spock inclined his head ever so slightly and Jim felt a wide smile spreading across his face as he finally reciprocated the gentle caresses of Spock’s fingers on his. There would be talking later, probably too much of it as they both had the tendency to over-analyze simple matters. But for now, this connection was more than enough.


Final A/N: Jim's quote comes from the song "Not That Different" by Collin Raye.
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